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| Amanda
I don't know if you are, but please don't read my xanga page. Two reasons:
1) If we never get back together, then you shouldn't be distracted by me in any way, and I should have my privacy. This xanga page is, and always was, primarily for me to have a place to say my thoughts undistrubed.
2) If we get back together, I'd like to have things that you don't know about, so that I can tell you them, and we can have something to talk about, rather than you already knowing everything that's gone on for me.
Please be strong, and resist looking at my page. I will do the same for yours.
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| Borders...
I held the book in my hands. Read the foreward. Read the first sentence of the prologue. I felt chills run down my spine, and goosebumps spread through my arms. I put the book down...I must be patient. I think I have to wait until I graduate to start this adventure again...
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| What gives you such courage?
Principessa, l'amore.
Turandot, you are a cruel bitch. I'm glad you were conquered.
La Fille du Regiment, Aida, Salome, Elephant's Graveyard, Wicked, and now Turandot...what a fantastic term! The last time I had a term so filled with events not related to school may be 2002, when it was a term packed with amazing sports. Wish I could see Tales of Hoffmann Dec. 19, but the Feast tech reh will be a good time, too, in its own barely functional way.
In retrospect, although Aida was fantastic, it was my least favorite thing I've seen so far. It certainly has its moments, and the Triumphal March is definitely one, but other than the music doesn't quite grab my long term memory. Perhaps more my fault than Verdi's, but still. Turandot is just non-stop gorgeous music. So many fantastic choruses and arias. Even the smaller stuff is beautiful. Liu, your devotion is unreal, but moving. What a great singer, too. Liked her better than Turandot, haha. Still, Salome has trumped all.
Stupid satellites!!!
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| Presentation today. Didn't even start on it until 1:30 am last night, so didn't sleep at all (this after only two hours of sleep the previous night). Very shaky today, but presentation went better than I expected. I forgot to finish making one point that I'd started and felt was really important, but other than that, prof. Reynolds stopped me at 25 minutes, and I could have kept going, so at least there was that. Hopefully what I said was informative and along the lines of what he was hoping for. Went home, slept afterward, set my alarm for 6 to wake up in time for rehearsal at 7. Aaron texts me at 7:05, are you coming? Shit. Wake up, dash out, 20 minutes late. Never happened before, never been more than 3 minutes late, and that only twice, ever. Very embarrased. Holoman conducting sectionals in Mondavi green room. Very satisfying to work with him again. Vulture stance, harping, "no no no no no!!" Lots of fun.
BnB after rehearsal. I'm surprised, but I'm happy. Some activities with friends tomorrow. Class. A full day planned for Saturday, some studying on Sunday. I think it's going to be a really good weekend. Life goes on.
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| Even after everything, I feel so drawn towards you, because of the things you say, because of who you are, and the fact that I feel with you I've experienced perfection, even if, yes, it was a long time ago. Things may have only worked right for six weeks or so, but they are the most memorable and wonderful six weeks of my life. I've been trying to get back to that state of mind, and I thought I'd finally made it. I hope this is just a case of bad timing, and that time decides to be nicer to us soon, and permanently. I know I want to be nicer to you, and really be someone you can want. I wish things could work out because you are such a wonderful person, I think we can be amazing together, and I wish I could be there for you the way I once was, back in the beginning. I was so ready for that.
I believe you, that there is hope for us. I'm just scared I've lost the most wonderful person I've ever met. I wish there was a way I could show you how important you are to me, and how happy you've made me. But I know I have to let you go now. Maybe that's all I can do to show my love anymore. If so, I'll love you so much that even I will move on, to really let you be free. If that makes any sense. It sounds cliche, a little overly romantic, but it's the truth. You deserve complete happiness in life, and if I can't give you any more by being with you, then I'll make sure to be out of your way so I don't mess up your next chance of finding it. Losing you is anguish, but seeing you happy, I will be fine one day, and be happy myself. I look forward to that day so much. I want to find my own happiness.
You probably don't understand now, but I have so much to thank you for. You're always in my heart, too. Goodbye, and best of luck.
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